Book Club Conversation: Babyproofing Your Marriage | Maternity ...

My hubby and I celebrated our four-year wedding anniversary earlier this year. When we met, we had witnessed the positive and negative in others? partnerships, and we came together with strong senses of what we did and did not want to echo in our own life. Thus, I really appreciated Babyproofing Your Marriage by Stacie Cockrell, Cathy O?Neill and Julia Stone. The subtitle of this relationship guidebook is, ?How to Laugh More, Argue Less and Communicate Better as Your Family Grows.? Like a lot of couples, the hubby and I will always be a work in progress, and insights from books such as this one help us keep laughter, love and heart-to-hearts at the forefront of our journey.

Lost at sea. Our life got flipped, turned upside down ? thank you, Fresh Prince! ? once Little G became a regular houseguest in our former love nest. I?m the oldest of four children, and the hubby is the youngest of four. So we knew, from our childhoods, the colossal amount of work that goes into raising children. And for a while, we let that work overtake our relationship. We were still pleasant enough to each other, but we were more like shipwrecked sailors, trying to grasp this new island of parenthood, rather than life partners.

(?Can you pick up milk, trash bags and diapers on your way home?? ?Remember that the pest control is coming tomorrow for our quarterly treatment.? ?Should we even consider trying to go to XYZ with Little G??)

(And yes, this really is my image of the hubby and me a couple of months into parenthood: lost at sea.)

Your take? Did anyone else get a chance to read or skim Babyproofing Your Marriage? Please tell me and the Maternity Ward community here what you thought, and what insights hit home with you. Below, I have shared some of mine.

Tone and topics. First, I?ll share a few notes about the technical aspects of this book. I found the authors? tone to be conversational, empathetic and objective, three qualities that I strive for in my own writing. One weakness, I felt, was that the tone may be more relatable to women than men, but probably more women than men read this book. The authors certainly slam-dunked their selection of topics, though. Chapters covered division of labor (similar to what I wrote about last week), in-laws and family priorities, plus other themes that are extremely relevant to newbie mamas and papas.

Some Insights That Hit Home With Me

My better half: ?Our happiness hinges on each other?s.? (p. 9)

New-parent puzzle pieces: ?As we emerge from the foglike existence of the first three months, we feel another sort of Mommy Shock. We constantly ask ourselves the big questions: Who am I now? What should I do? Should I go back to work? Should I stay home? What makes sense for me? What makes sense for my family? How do the pieces of the puzzle fit back together?? (p. 27)

Micromanaging mama alert: ?The overwhelming majority of men want to be active, hands-on fathers, but it?s hard for a man (as it would be for anyone) to enjoy being a parent when his wife micromanages that relationship.? (p. 88)

Don?t lose that lovin? feeling: ?Based on our extensive conversations on the subject, we?ve concluded that sex about once a week is required for basic marriage maintenance. Experience has taught us that anything less than that leads to maintenance problems. Things are going to break down.? (p. 141)

The family tree: ?In fact, the main issue is not that you might have arguments with your parents or in-laws; it is that your extended families might cause arguments between the two of you.? (p. 160)

Family of creation versus family of origin: ?In many ways, prioritizing our new family over our original one is the final step into adulthood.? (p. 161)

Three?s company: ?With one child ? most couples are able to maintain some semblance of their former lives.? (p. 195)

Poignant, regarding change: ?Change, no matter how wonderful and wanted, also means loss.? (p. 231)

On self-neglect: ? ? when we neglect ourselves, we wilt.? (p. 244)

Does anything here speak to you too?

Next book selection. I recently learned of the book My Family Table: A Passionate Plea for Home Cooking by John Besh. As you may know, John Besh is the renowned Louisiana-born chef who opened Luke San Antonio on the Riverwalk back in 2010. According to the book?s introduction, My Family Table ?explores his conviction that the simple act of cooking at home can change our way of life? ? an intriguing perspective, coming from the owner of several thriving restaurants, including the one here in town. One quote I love, from page 34: ?On Sundays, I cook for myself in totally different ways than in my restaurants. It becomes purely a cooking of the heart.?

My Family Table includes personal stories, home-cooking tips and plenty of recipes too, similar to Cooking for Gracie, our book club pick back in March. I look forward to chatting with you all about Chef Besh and his book on Tuesday, September 25. Until then, friends, take care!

Source: http://blog.mysanantonio.com/maternityward/2012/08/book-club-conversation-babyproofing-your-marriage/

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